it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
