You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
