Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
