Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
