just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
