Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
