I think I can smell my own vagina right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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