you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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