guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
