Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
