thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
