And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Enjoy the penises
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
