I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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