After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
