And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
