Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
