Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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