exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
