'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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