I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
