I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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