would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
