Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
