I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
