just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
