I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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