hotel room ftw
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We need to rekindle our bromance
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
