yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
