How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
