yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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