It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
