who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
