no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
