First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
