Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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