How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
