I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
