If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
