I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
