sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
