Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
