1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
