ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
