I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
