She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
