2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
