The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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