Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
