My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
