that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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