whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found puke in my bra..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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